by Suz firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer - Paramount own the character names. I'd love to see an ep with this title...
After the kind of day I've had (AAARRRGGGHHH!!!) I am not in the mood to write anything that requires any kind of serious thought.
Set during season three when J&C were still in that friendly and flirty stage. Wasn't that fun?? And if you don't get it...well then obviously you don't have a dirty mind.
Kes smiled and Neelix grinned from his seat enthusiastically. But then, he was never anything less than enthusiastic.
Kathryn repressed a grin of her own and produced only a warm smile. "Is there something you'd like to suggest Mr Neelix?"
He damn near clapped his hands together and smiled at the other crewmembers clustered around the briefing room table. "Indeed I do Captain! We've been here nearly three years now and I couldn't help but notice there's nothing the crew celebrate with any kind of regularity, aside from Birthdays. I thought it might be nice if we could have a yearly event of some kind to look forward to and plan for."
Chakotay spoke. "Sounds like a good plan Neelix. Should be terrific for morale." Pausing, he looked back towards Kathryn. "Providing - of course - that the Captain agrees."
Ignoring those dimples she rolled her eyes dramatically, just for show. "How could I ever ignore my First Officer's sage advice?" She was smiling a little too much for the show and the crew couldn't help but notice.
A low, unidentified noise echoed through the room.
There was no indication of who or where it came from. Everyone's expression was the same: confused but amused. Except for Tuvok, of course, who remained as stoic as he preferred to believe he looked most of the time.
Shrugging it off, Kathryn continued. "And I suppose you have just the celebration in mind, Neelix?"
He tried to look as if he didn't have the whole menu planned already but failed miserably. "Well...yes Captain. Yes I do. The Talaxian celebration of family, as a matter of fact. Seeing as I don't have my own anymore...well I thought it would be appropriate to celebrate it with my new family."
Blinking away the faint moisture in her eyes, Kathryn leant forward across the desk and touched his hand. "Sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll leave you to make all the arrangements - although I suppose the request for more replicator rations is sitting on my desk already?"
Neelix looked slightly abashed, but continued grinning.
Uncomfortable with the emotional moment, B'Elanna broke into the conversation. "So what's the holiday called?"
As he pulled his hand away from the Captain, Neelix turned towards B'Elanna. "Prixin."
Tom coughed. Then snorted.
The Doctor rose his eyebrows.
Harry frowned, and spoke. "You okay Tom?"
Waving the younger man off with a grin of reassurance, he cleared his throat before addressing the crew present. "Prixin? It's called *Prixin*?" He looked at Neelix directly. "You're kidding, right?"
Resting his hands over his stomach, Neelix leant back in his chair, perplexed. "Not at all. Why?"
Tom moved his hands about. "You don't get it? Prixin. Prix-in. Prix...*in*?"
"Ahhh..." the word of understanding emanated from the lips of everyone present, bar three. Tuvok remained silent. Neelix continued frowning.
The Doctor volunteered the obvious, grinning. "Clearly, Mr Neelix has not become as well acquainted with Terran slang as I have."
Kathryn cleared her throat and lowered her voice somewhat. "Yes...Neelix...umm...a word not entirely dissimilar from 'prix' is occasionally used to describe the male reproductive organ."
Neelix's hands came up to cover his mouth and he turned a disturbing shade of orange. "Really?!" He mumbled. "I had no idea!"
Kathryn tried to look unembarrassed despite the fact that Chakotay was staring at her. "Well you weren't to know. It's not something that's used a great deal."
Chakotay spoke a little too lightly. "Captain, are you okay? You seem a little...flushed."
Her nostrils flared as she thought up appropriate punishments in response to that line...and what the hell was that noise? It was echoing through the room again, perhaps even louder.
"What is that?" Tom asked, looking around for a possible cause.
Kes tipped her head to one side. "I don't think it's coming from outside the room..."
Kathryn grinned, a plan forming. "Commander, have you been eating Mexican again?"
Opening his mouth to rebut, he paused when the noise started again.
Tom clicked his fingers. "Wait a minute!"
Everyone stared at him.
Standing up and scooting by Harry's chair he soon reached where the Captain and Commander were sitting. "Captain, put your hand on Chakotay's chest."
Wide-eyed, they both stared at him. They *all* stared at him. "I beg your pardon..?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing untoward, honestly Captain. I have a theory and I need to test it."
He was absolutely insistent and Kathryn studied him carefully. He was serious. "Very well." Swivelling towards Chakotay she chose to ignore the grin and without asking permission reached out with her right hand and placed it over where the heart was located.
The noise started again.
Tom clapped his hands together once. "I knew it! Okay take it away..."
Following his instructions, completely baffled, Kathryn removed her hand.
"Now do it again s-l-ow-ly..."
Shrugging, she moved the hand towards its target at a fraction of the pace she had used before. As she slowly inched closer the noise started again.
Harry shook his head as he realised something. "It's coming from over here. It's coming from-" He stopped, realising just who it was coming from. "Um..."
Eight heads swivelled towards Tuvok.
"Interesting..." Kathryn murmured as the noise continued. Pausing just before she made contact with her hand, she drew it away again. The noise faded. Moving the hand forward she smiled as the noise grew louder and louder still when she actually touched Chakotay's chest.
Eight sets of eyebrows rose.
"Well?" she asked, keeping the hand where it was.
"Yeah Tuvok," Tom asked, smirking. "Well?"
The Vulcan broke his silence. "Curious,"
"I'll say," B'Elanna responded before muttering "Sorry" at the eyebrow he rose.
He continued. "It appears that there is a lack of sustenance in my stomach. Obviously, as it is contracting the digestive juices are moving around and creating the noise you are hearing."
"A sound theory," the Doctor answered, appearing next to him almost as quickly as he would have materialised there, tricorder in hand. "but unfortunately incorrect. My readings show that your stomach is full. There must be some other reason."
"Some other reason," Chakotay echoed, grinning.
They all grinned.
Tuvok rose another eyebrow.
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Suz's Voyager Fanfic