An Object To Crave

by Suz

Disclaimer - Paramount owns the characters, I own the ideas.

Next part in the Delta Quadrant 90210 series; thus follows on from the events in 'The Wind Cannot Read'.


'Like anyone worthy
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight'


An awkward humour filled her quarters.

They had somehow - she still had no idea how - managed to resurrect some of what had once been considered as a friendship. They were able to smile, if a little hesitantly. But they could tease. There was no depth to it yet of course. Until tonight, apparently.

He asked her.

Kathryn almost couldn't fathom it at first, that he would have the courage to ask about that. But it was evident from his expression that it was something he had been contemplating for some time. This was no snap decision; this had been thought out.

So was her answer.


Was all she said.

She would not lie to him. Not about that.

He nodded but his expression didn't waver. He had been expecting the answer. Had perhaps resigned himself to it a while ago.

Still, he was not entirely happy with the situation. And she really couldn't blame him.

"Did you really have to choose someone who irritates the hell out of me?" Chakotay asked, trying to inject some humour into the situation, but his feelings were a little too close to the surface for him to be able to pull it off.

"I didn't *choose* anyone," she rebutted "I didn't intend for it to happen. And besides, my decision to take a particular person as my lover is not dictated by your personal feeling towards that individual."

"Gods, will you stop that?" he whispered.

"Stop what?"

"You sound like Seven."

Kathryn plucked absently at the edge of her uniform at her wrist, but kept looking at him. "So? I thought you liked that behaviour."

He shifted on the sofa. "You can stop that as well."


"You're deliberately trying to provoke me into a ugly confrontation. That's something you can deal with, but you can't face the quiet interchanges that really tell the truth." He paused, looking away. "Yes, I've been spending a lot of time with Seven. She's a very interesting person. I've learnt a lot from her."

"I see." Kathryn responded, forcing her hands to keep still. "Has she learnt anything from you?"

"Just how to paint. And that my hands have 'extraordinary dexterity for a human male of my age'." Chakotay smiled, remembering.

Kathryn didn't want to know, instead simply watching him. "She makes you happy."

He almost shook his head. "She makes me smile. And she doesn't expect anything in return." He considered regretting his words, but didn't.

Saying nothing, Kathryn stood and moved over to the replicator. She had planned to order something but now that she was there, she couldn't remember what she wanted. Clutching the side of the replicator, she spoke. "I'm happy for you."

"No you're not, Kathryn. Neither am I."

Shaking her head, she lowered it until it rested against the top of the replicator.

"Ask you a question?" Chakotay queried.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Why Paris? Honestly."

Kathryn answered immediately. "He was there."

"I don't believe that for a moment. All the years you wouldn't get involved wouldn't have done it just on a whim. It would have to have meant something to you."

"If that's true, then why do you keep asking me questions that you already know the answers to?" She asked, still facing away from him.

He laughed, a sound she hadn't heard in such a long time. "Self-denial is something you excel at. If he genuinely makes you happy then you should do something about it. Have you seen how he looks lately, Kathryn?"

She didn't answer him as he expected her to. "No. I haven't seen how he looks lately. But I...should have known..."

"Known what?"

"That you'd figure it out. That you'd know something had happened. You've always known me too well."

"Not well enough. Never well enough."

Having enough of the sight of seeing her standing next to the replicator, he stood to leave and walked towards the door. "Goodnight."


Her voice was quiet.


"Mess hall tomorrow evening?"

Why did he want to do that to himself? But he answered anyway. "Sure. See you there."

The door closed behind him, leaving Kathryn alone in her quarters. Ordering a black coffee she turned away from the replicator and sat back down on the sofa. Picking up a padd containing an engineering report, she began to read.

But likely to be continued

'Like any uncharted territory
I must seen greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight'

'Uninvited', Alanis Morisette

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