Karma Killer

by Suz suzvoy@yahoo.com

Disclaimer - "Pleased to see you, Mr Borg!" Neelix greeted enthusiastically as he was assimilated by the Para-Borg.

For August, who definitely inspired this. And apologies to Karma. I have no intention of killing you, it's just an unfortunate coincidence.

Angst! But no one dies!


You said something to me a long time ago, something that when it was first said was meant with humour. I took it that way then, but now the words seem ironic.

Sometimes first contact is last contact.

As our contact should have been. Too much has happened now. Too much for me to wish or imagine otherwise. I don't think I realised the cost my promise to you would bring to me. Sacrificing myself, my beliefs, everything I had fought for...for a woman who was more worried about her next cup of coffee than the morale of her First Officer.

I'm certainly not jealous of the caffeine; after the Borg I knew we were never going to become involved even when sometimes you thought we would. That's not you. You don't realise this while you're imagining your happy-ever-afters, and I can't destroy your dreams while you're dreaming them.

Because as much as I hate you, I still care for you.

You'd give me that smile occasionally, or the look that would say "Yes. Now is a good time." I'd back away, because I knew that by the next day that smile would be gone. I was always right.

My hand reaches for yours, but my arm isn't quite long enough. You've managed to hang onto the edge of a protruding rock and our com badges aren't working.

You were taking risks again. The one thing Tuvok and I have never disagreed about is your recklessness. You would always do anything for someone under your command. Aside from the small matter of keeping them happy. What mattered was keeping them alive, that their work was completed, that they didn't miss out on something they were supposed to do.

We're a family, you often say.

It doesn't feel that way.

We have the conflicts, the hidden fondness, the love, the hate, the willingless to pull together...all of it within our crew. But it means nothing if the mother repeatedly does something that is morally wrong.

I can understand why you do what you do; I think we all can. That doesn't justify your actions.

Harry should be back soon, and with his help I could pull you up. I can see your knuckles whitening, finding it harder to keep their grip. Your eyes look at me, and there's that expression again. I don't think you even realise it's there, but you promise me everything if I can rescue you.


I'm sickened again, at myself, because for a brief time I consider your offer.

I try to pull my gaze away in time but I know I'm too late. Your expression closes, as it so often does, but your hands stay on the rock.

Leaning forward even more I manage to lower my hand further, but still not far enough. Pulling your left hand precariously away from the rock, you thrust it towards me.

Taking risks again.

Our fingertips brush briefly yet not enough for either of us to hold on. Your hand returns to the rock and I can hear your breath from your exertions. I look back at where my feet are hooked over the branch at the top of the cliff. There's no way I can move any further.

There's no way I can save you.

You realise it then, and your stubborness dies a bit. I'm not surprised it would be the first thing to leave upon realisation of failure. You died years ago.

You don't give up though. The stubborness may have weakened but it would never vanish completely. Not for you. It's the only thing you have left anymore.

So your hands stay holding the rock and I stay where I am, hanging by my feet, looking down at your head as you look for other hand holds. And then I'm speaking your name.

You look up.

And you know it then. Irony - our relationship, such as it is, has always been ironic. And here's another one. Moments away from likely death and it's now that you choose to realise what you must have known for years. At least, if you die, you won't have enough time to do all the thinking I did. Where did it go wrong? Was it supposed to? Was there even anything to go wrong with? Did we ever really love each other?

You let go.

You live.

I don't know what disturbs me more.


Are you cut up

Or do you easily forget

Are you still around

Why haven't you managed to die yet

You could prop up the bar in hell/

How do you sleep

You've never loved

Why was I never good enough

You thought you'd leave me falling forever

Karma killer/

Needless to say

I guess you know I hate you

You're so full of sin

Even the devil rates you

I hope you choke

On your Bacardi and Coke/

How do you breathe

Why don't you cry

How come you never ask me why

You're not a man stand and deliver

Karma killer/

How do you sleep

You've never loved

Why was I never good enough

You thought you'd leave me falling forever/

Karma killer

Karma killer/

Karma killer

Karma killer/

I hope you choke

On your Bacardi and Coke/

Look what you didn't take from me

Look what you didn't take from me

Look what you didn't take from me

Look what you didn't take from me/

I don't need to take revenge

'Cos they're coming to get you

There's no hope for you my friend

'Cos they're coming to get you/

Karma killer

Karma killer

Karma killer


Song words property of Robbie Williams. I never thought I'd see myself type that, but the words are just too perfect.

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