Disclaimer - Yeah, right. I'd like to see Paramount own them.
***THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS TO BE DISTRIBUTED TO ALL CREW MEMBERS. ALL DEPARTMENT HEADS ARE TO ENSURE THAT THEIR STAFF RECEIVE AND READ THIS***
This is your Captain typing.
I have been doing a great deal of thinking of late. Specifically, about how our family has grown and developed in the seven years we have been in the Delta Quadrant. I am proud to have all of you as a member of this family, however, recent events have forced me to made public certain facts that some of you may have been unaware of regarding the behaviour of human males.
1) A gift of a bathtub is nothing special. It may be sweet and could well have taken days to make, but any man could conceive the idea from an offhand remark one makes.
2) Flowers - especially roses - are a cliché, no matter how beautiful. All men will try to win your favour with these.
3) Once they learn of your passions, a man will try to either help you indulge in your passion, or 'playfully' mock you for it, if the passion is supposedly bad for your health.
4) A man will learn eloquent things to say, but it is important to remember that he has pre-planned whatever he has to say possibly weeks in advance. This removes the 'unexpected sweetness' of the speech, thus rendering it pointless and unworthy of repetition.
5) If you have a dream, a man will try to make it come true for you. This is a bad thing. Trust me. Especially if it involves monkeys.
6) If you are wearing nothing but a bath towel, a man will always stare at your exposed skin and/or your cleavage. This is a typically masculine response to a woman cleaning herself.
8) A man will *tell* you all kinds of heart-warming things, then go off with the first, second, and third blonde hussy that comes along.
9) A man is entirely capable of putting you in a foul mood, with just three words. It is vital that you do not let him tell youelojtoszjf/; f/sg
This is no longer the Captain typing. She is currently occupied, and will be for the rest of the night.
I will kill anyone who hails her.
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Suz's Voyager Fanfic