by Suz

Disclaimer - character names belong to Paramount.

Chakotay angst. Lots of it. Had an interesting time writing this one...


'You have stolen, me broken me,
Stolen me, broken me...
All your mental armour drags me down,
Nothing hurts like your mouth'

Mouth, Bush


Dilithium readings from a M-Class planet. She, of course, was intrigued. She, of course, insisted on going herself.

Typical, now.

To be expected.

That my warnings would fall on deaf ears.

"I'll be fine Commander. We'll adhere to every safety protocol."

I'm sure you will Captain. I wouldn't expect anything else. But you can't always predict what is destined to go wrong.

I say nothing. Tired. Tired of worrying about her.

Com line. Report. "Lots of vegetation. We should be able to harvest most of it and keep it in storage." No laughter. No suggestion of adding to Neelix's repetoire. Just business.

A high pitched whine.



No answer.

No answer.

Beam her to sickbay, now!

On a biobed, still. Unmoving.


"She'll be fine. She may have a headache and thus be crabbier than normal - if that's possible - but she'll be fine."


Her quarters, her expression, dark.

"Have you come to rub it in, Commander?"

Rub what in?

"You were right. The mission went awry."

I could easily have been wrong.

"But you were *right*."

And you really believe I would gloat about it?

"You''re right Chakotay, I apologise. I'm very tired today. I'm definitely feeling my age."

Relax, take some leave.

"I can't Chakotay. The Doctor already forced me off work with sick leave. I couldn't possible take a holiday."


"There is something."



She's changed. But hadn't I know that already? Hadn't I known what would happen the moment I stepped into her quarters?




The caress of her hand along my arm, across my chest.

No resistance. Trapped.

"I'm sorry,"

No you're not, even as the tears fall from my face.

Hot breath gliding over my skin, covered breasts brushing against my body, her mouth...

...touching mine.

Her mouth touching mine.

Want to hate her.

Hate her.

Love you.

Pulls back and it isn't her anymore. It's *you*.


Your hair is long, half up. Dressed in your pale blue nightgown. You touch the side of my face, study my shocked expression.

"You're here, aren't you Chakotay? With me?"

Always I murmur as you pull off my clothes.



Reality crashes in with a thud. Peering over the edge of the bed I see you on the floor, rubbing your rear. Are you alright?

"Fine," and I may imagine it but I think you stick your tongue out at me.

Climbing back you settle next to me, shifting about for the most comfortable spot.

I have no regrets. Not at this moment.

When you step out that door to stop being you and become her again, I know I will have a million of them.

But the next time I cannot envision another ending.

You are next to me now. That is something worth celebrating.


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Suz's Voyager Fanfic