Two Little Words

by Suz

Alright, I'm not sure about this one. I liked the idea, but I think it ends a bit short...but then I couldn't continue it. If anyone wants to they can...

Disclaimer - "Bother," said Pooh, as he was assimilated by the Para-Borg.


"Bob, I can't believe you're even considering doing this!"

She pulled at his arm in an earnest, if somewhat pathetic attempt to stop him from proceeding with his plan.

"What's to consider, Sue? I have a talent to share, and this *is* talent night."

Frowning, her grip on his arm tightened. "But she'll crucify you. You'll be doing maintenance work for the next sixty years."

Placing his hand on top of hers to try and placate her, he spoke in a soothing tone. "Relax. She has a much better sense of humour than you think."

That stopped her cold. Immediately she released her hold on him and removed her hand from under his. "Really? And how did you discover that little piece of trivia?"

She didn't even notice the jealousy creeping into her voice. Bob did. And he smiled. "Chakotay told me."

She snorted loudly, extremely relieved but determined not to let him know. "Well that barely counts. He's hardly unbiased when it comes to the Captain."

Finally starting to lose his temper, he rolled his eyes and grabbed her shoulders. Sue blinked up at him, surprised.

"Look, I'll be fine okay?"

She nodded mutely.

In the background someone called out for him. "Bob! You're up next!"

He nodded in their general direction before looking back at Susan. "Besides, Ms Nicoletti...I like that you care about me."

And before she could do anything - speak, yell, shout, hit or kiss him - he ran off.


Their Emcee for the evening, Neelix, was going to introduce him. The Talaxian had the unenviable task of keeping the audience amused while everyone worked frantically behind the scenes. Bob's routine however, required no props except for the ones he wore.

He stood at the side of the stage waiting for his que. Megan winked at him as she came off in a flurry of fake fur and feathers. He was sorry he'd missed her routine even though he'd seen her dress rehearsal.

Neelix, meanwhile, had walked with a comically-forced casualness as the audience clapped, still applauding Megan. Reaching his destination, he bent down and easily scooped up an errant feather that had fallen off Megan's outfit.

"Anyone want this?" he asked, swirling the red feather in the air.

There was a mad rush to the stage as most of the male population of Voyager tried to get there first. The winner was Freddy Bristow. He leapt on the stage and looked at the audience proudly as Neelix presented him with his prize. As soon as he touched the feather, both Megan and Jenny rushed onto the stage in identical outfits.

Neelix grinned with a conspirator's smile. "Well done ladies; he's all yours."

With a chorus of breathless "Oh thank you Neelix"'s, they each grabbed an arm and hauled Freddy off stage.

Sensing his apparent doom, he started yelling. "No, please! I'll never survive. No!!"

His shout echoed dramatically around the room as everyone realised the whole thing had been planned.

Moving back to the centre of the stage and shooing the men back to their seats, Neelix began his announcement.

"Well everyone, our next performer is ready. Now, he's asked that I not tell you what he's planning to do. He wants you to guess. Isn't this exciting?! A certain female member of the crew should find this amusing. Ladies and gentlemen...I give you...Robert Hickman."

Neelix vanished from the stage as the applause started. When it finished, every light went out leaving them in complete darkness. Slow, loud footsteps could be heard, then a single spotlight appeared on Hickman.

He was wearing a command uniform, or at least a decent fascimilie of one. He had heels on his boots and a wig on his head. The audience observed in awed silence as he regally came to halt, placed his hands on his hips and exclaimed loudly, "Do it!"


It turned out to be the bane of Kathryn Janeway's existance. It was partly her own fault, she acknowledged that much. If she had reprimanded him straight after his 'performance', things certainly wouldn't be as bad as they were now. Problem was, she couldn't deny them the right to have a little fun out here. And it *was* funny, if slightly humiliating.

Well, she could live with that. She generally didn't care what people thought about her. What was driving her mad was the aftermath.

For example, on the way from her quarters to the mess hall this morning, seven crew members had said those two little words to her. From the mess hall to the bridge, it had been five, with two groups of people trying to work the phrase into the conversations they were having as she walked by.

When she arrived on the bridge half-way through a conversation between Tuvok and Harry, she had only caught the tail-end of what the Vulcan was saying.

"...and please make sure that you 'do it' quickly Mr Kim."

God, was Tuvok even in on it? No, no. She knew him too well. Even if he was good at masking his emotions, she'd know. She was sure. And Harry looked perfectly innocent.

Shrugging off her paranoia, she sat in her chair and greeted everyone. The usual bridge crew were present as well as B'Elanna who was working on her station to the starboard side of the bridge.

"Morning Captain," Chakotay spoke rather cheerily "how are you this morning?"

"Fine thank you Commander." At least he wasn't trying anything.

"Are you sure?" he asked with concern on his face "You look a little tired."

She waved him off even though she was grateful for his concern. "It's nothing Chakotay. Just stayed up a little late reading through some padds."

"Gee Captain," Tom commented from the conn "you should take it easy. We wouldn't want you to...overdo it."

Sniggers erupted across the bridge, even from Chakotay. Soooo...this had been planned. She opened her mouth to retort but Harry quickly chimed in.

"Yeah, Captain. You always work too hard - you shouldn't do it."

She swivelled her head towards Chakotay and glared at him. He shrugged at her innocently. After all, he hadn't actually said anything. Well, until just now. "I didn't-"

"-do it!" everyone joined in, then broke into laughter. Except for Tuvok, obviously.

Kathryn couldn't help it. She smiled.

Still chuckling, B'Elanna frowned as her console bleeped. The frown grew as she examined the data that was being presented. "Dammit...Captain, request permission that an engineering team join me up here."

"Of course. What's the problem?"

B'Elanna leapt from her chair and started heading towards the rear of the bridge. "Malfunction in one of the science stations. I'm going to need help repairing a faulty" The last word she spoke was stretched out as she realised what she was saying. Quickly whirling, hair flying, she exclaimed "That wasn't intentional!"


Suz's Voyager Fanfic.

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