Disclaimer - Paramount...snicker...mars bar...
Man, I'm turning Janeway into a b*tch!
It was not an easy decision. It had been simpler choosing to have the abortion. A snap decision, easily justified. The child would have required of her what she was impossible of giving at the moment: commitment. She had neither the time nor the emotional energy to deal with a child. Realistically she knew that she was expending some of that time and emotional energy on Chakotay, but at least he wasn't expecting her to love him. The child would need that unconditionally.
The decision wasn't easy. Yet she had made it. Because that bastard had made her name the child. She had refused, absolutely refused to give it a name despite his decidedly wicked Maquis tactics, and she had stood by her decision even as he'd left the ready room hoping like hell that no one would notice the smell of sex. And it came to her. She was doing nothing important; no soul searching, no drastic thinking over anything at all. She had simply been scratching the side of her nose...and a name appeared in her head.
She tried to hide the name, tried to shove it out of her mind, but already she was picturing what he would look like when he was twenty.
That *bastard* had done this. All his fault...
And she found herself incapable of doing what should have been necessary. But she would not be able to have this child. Something else would have to be done.
"Are you out of your mind?!"
Kathryn considered B'Elanna's response as being somewhat fair. On her list of mental 'expected responses' that had rated as number two, just below "Fuck off." So really, she had faired quite well.
Kathryn shifted in her seat, looking up at the half-Klingon. At Kathryn's request B'Elanna had reported to her quarters after her shift ended and was now staring at her Captain as if she were insane. "Far from it, Lieutenant. I have thought over all the possible repercussions and have decided this is what's best for the child. Of course, I thought that if this is going to proceed I'd need your permission before I discuss it with anyone else. Except for the Doctor, obviously."
B'Elanna shook her head, trying to absorb this ridiculous idea. "Why him? Why does he know?"
"Biology B'Elanna. He hasn't performed the procedure himself but he believes it may be possible."
"You are half-Klingon, B'Elanna. That could result in certain complicati-"
B'Elanna held up her hand. "No, no it won't. I'm not doing it."
Kathryn's face remained impassive, hands neatly folded in her lap. "You understand that you're consigning the child to death."
"Don't. Don't you *dare* pull that guilt bullshit on me!" Her hands clenched, fingernails digging into the palm of her hands. "Not after the amount of times you've pulled it on everyone on this ship! I will not do this purely because it's too much of an inconvenience to you. You're a Captain. What happened to taking responsibility? When someone on your ship makes a mistake, it's supposed to be your mistake. Well - hate to be the one to tell you this - but you've made your own mistake. And you're going to have to deal with it."
Anger barely restrained she turned, hair whipping around as she marched towards the exit.
There was something about her tone of voice, something that actually managed to find a fracture in B'Elanna's anger and make it's way through. Pausing, hands still clenching, still breathing heavily, she spoke. "What?"
"Did we ever respect each other?"
The comment threw her off completely. Facing back towards the other woman, she saw that she was now leaning back more in the chair, staring out of the viewport.
B'Elanna spoke. "I think we may have even liked each other." She chuckled. "But...then things change. People change."
"I didn't change."
"I'm beginning to realise that."
Smirking softly, Kathryn continued looking through the viewport. "If we did this...even getting someone else to raise it...at least it would still be alive."
B'Elanna shook her head at the Captains apparent stupidity. "I think he'd hate that even more. Knowing that it was his son and not being able to say anything."
"Perhaps," she answered slowly, frowning.
The Captain spoke again. "B'Elanna...it's what he wants you know."
"I know." She stopped for a moment, thinking. "I've known Chakotay a long time Captain. Seen him go through almost everything. I've seen him since he met you, and part of me understands why he would want you to have the child. But another part of me...honestly cannot comprehend *why*."
Her smirk remained in place. "I've been trying to figure that one out myself. I guess I'm just-"
"-a good fuck? Is he Captain?" Kahless that woman could drive her mad!
"You tell me Lieutenant."
"What the hell are you talking about? I've never-"
The Captain looked at her. "But others did. Seska did. You and she were best friends, I believe. As I understand it best friends quite often share certain intimate details with each other. Did she tell you about his other dimples? About the mole on his-"
"Fuck off!" she spat, turning away and finally leaving the room.
Kathryn resumed her view through the viewport. Another expected response.
On to the next one.
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