Feeling Feelings
by Suz suzvoy@tesco.net

Disclaimer - MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own them.

Episode addition to 'Beneath The Surface'. Sequel to 'Unreality'. Use of {} indicate memories.

Spoilers for 'Beneath The Surface'. Lots of swearing in this one. Some sexual description. PG-13.


It was quiet.

Normally when they returned from a mission - especially one where they'd been missing for quite some time - there would have been the mad rush to the infirmary, a frantic scramble of people poking and prodding and checking.

There'd been the initial mad rush, but when it was obvious there was nothing physically wrong with them, and it was equally obvious that none of them were in a particularly good mood, Janet ordered well-wishers and unnecessary staff out of the infirmary.

After warmly welcoming them back, Hammond had ordered them to the briefing room as soon as they'd been cleaned up and checked out. Now he was gone, too.

Maybe it wasn't as quiet as she thought it was. Maybe it was simply because - after what happened - nothing seemed quite the same.

"Memory stamped?"

Janet was speaking to Brenna, whose wounded arm she had just finished bandaging up.

"Yes," She responded, casting guilty looks towards SG-1, who were clustered on and around several beds. "Their old memories were repressed and they were given new ones which made them believe they were working for us, and had been in some way for their entire lives." Lowering her gaze, she shook her head. "Again, I cannot apologise enough for what we did to you, or for my own part in it. I am only thankful that now - thanks to your bravery - they all know the truth."

"We couldn't have done it without your help," Daniel replied. "That counts for something."

She smiled briefly, nervously, before looking away again.

It was clear Janet strongly disapproved of what Brenna had been doing before her change of heart, but she wasn't about to let it interfere with her work. "Well, you're very lucky Brenna - it's just a flesh wound. I think it'll heal up nicely."

"Thank you."

"Now you remember General Hammond who you spoke to earlier? He'd like a better explanation of what happened. Are you feeling up to that?"

Standing up from the bed she was sitting on, she nodded. "Of course."

"Good. Airman,"

Standing guard outside the room, the airman in question guided Brenna out of the room and towards the General's office.

Janet faced them, obviously sensing the tension. "You four do seem to go through more than your fair share." Seeing that the attempt at humour wasn't getting anywhere she tried again. "Okay, as they 'memory stamped' you I think it's only sensible to do PET scans on each of you to make sure there's no permanent damage as well as the usual tests. Colonel, do you want to go first?"

He'd been staring at the floor since he walked in. "Sorry?"

"Do you want to be checked out first?"

He shook his head, as if he wasn't quite all back to being himself yet. "No. No, check Carter out first."

Sam closed her eyes, knowing why he was insisting.

Of course, Janet had no idea. "Okay. Well why don't you three have a shower and get changed, then come back when you're done, all right?"

General murmurs and grunts of agreement were made as they shuffled out of the room.

Fraiser turned to Sam. "Do you feel as tired as they look?"

"I guess. We worked pretty hard."

Smiling, but still concerned for her friend, Janet touched her arm. "Are you okay?"

No, no she really wasn't. She was too tired even to cry, and all she wanted to do was curl up and do just that. "Janet...I'm going to have to take a pregnancy test."


The silence that had accompanied them in the infirmary, the elevator, and the corridor, now hung heavily in the locker room. The three men began pulling half-heartedly at the clothes they'd been forced to wear, with perhaps Teal'c being the only one capable of the concept of actually changing clothes.

Daniel and Jack pretty much gave up part way through, but not just due to exhaustion.

The Colonel sat on the end of the bench, staring at nothing, trying to think of nothing, just trying not even thinking. Because if he thought...


Daniel had spoken. He was standing next to him. How long had he been there?

"I know this is going to be difficult."

Yeah, Daniel knew all right. He'd seen enough proof for himself of what had been going on, and Teal'c was no idiot. He may have been out cold for a while, but he must have figured out what happened.

Fuck, what if she was pregnant? What if she *was*?

"Daniel," He paused, speaking deliberately. "I really, *really* do not need to hear a pep talk right now."


"Look, I know you're just trying to help, just trying to be supportive, but trust me; it's taking all of my willpower right now to not tell you to fuck off." He shook his head. "Whoops. Too late."

He knew it was stupid. He knew Daniel was only trying to help. But he just wanted to be left alone, and he used his body language as much as possible to convey that. If neither of them got the hint in the next thirty seconds, he figured he actually would scream at them to get his point across.

Fortunately, in the next ten seconds he heard the sounds of movement.

"Tell you what - you use the shower first. Teal'c and I will come back later."

More footsteps as they left.

A pair of them paused, "That was unnecessary," before moving again.

Unnecessary. This whole damn situation was unnecessary. If those bastards hadn't been keeping a slave labour force in the first place, Carter never would have seen the pipes coming up out of the snow. They never would have investigated. They never would have been stamped with the memories of Jonah and-

{"Thera, whatchaya doing?"}

{She smiled; that beautiful, heart-warming smile that always made him grin like an idiot. "Revising my calculations. I figure if I can improve the efficiency even more maybe I can get Brenna to listen to reason."}

{He kissed the back of her neck. "You work too hard."}

{She knew where this was going. "You're not going to distract me."}

{"You're probably right," He admitted, grinning against her neck as he kissed it again. "Doesn't mean I'm not gonna try." God, he loved her neck. It was just so...elegant. Hell, she'd laugh if he ever told her that.}

{Maybe it'd be worth it, then. "Come on then," He told her, shifting until he was leaning over her shoulder, pretending he was looking at what she was working on. It was almost time for lights out and they were currently sequestered in the private areas couples were provided with for a limited time every evening. Privacy pretty much consisted of a beige sheet separating them from everyone else, but he didn't care. Why should he be bothered if they knew he was having a good time?}

{Of course, sometimes, she did get a little too focused.}


{He watched as she did that cute frowning thing. "Tell me about your calculations. I know how much you love them, and I'll try my damndest not to fall asleep."}

{She smiled again and he sighed again.}

{"Okay...but remember that you asked for this."}

{That sounded promising. "All right."}

{She cleared her throat. "Now this first figure relates to the force of the pressure trying to get through the pipe..."}

{Feigning interest as she continued talking, he rested his chin on her shoulder briefly, before lifting back her top around the neck and kissing softly.}

{"...and you can see that-stop that!"}

{"Was I doing something?" Innocence was definitely an expression he needed to work on. "Sorry, must have been instinct. Didn't even realise I was doing it."}

{"Sure," She wore her 'not buying it' face. "Anyway, as you can see this is directly relative to..."}

{She was off again. So was his hand. This time it absently played with the hem at the bottom of her top. God, he loved the way she smelt...which probably should have worried him, because they all smelt the same down here. But there was something about her, up close, that made him dizzy.}

{His fingers let go of the hem, and his hand slipped just under her top, rubbing small circles on her back.}

{"You're...doing it again."}

{There was a definite catch in her voice. He grinned. "Doing what?" He moved his hand further up her back.}


{Mock horrified, he yanked his hand away. "How the hell did that happen?"}

{Shaking her head as if to clear it, she again tried to focus on the paper she was holding. "Umm...so, damn, where was I? Oh! So if you calculate the ratio of..."}

{This time he shifted his whole body until it was pressing against her from behind, his chin resting lightly on her left shoulder and his right hand immediately went under her top and rested just below her breasts.}

{"...of, um, ratio of..."}

{Oh, she was *so* losing this battle. Still feigning interest and definitely feeling his arousal kick in, he nodded occasionally, but mostly he played with the skin his hand was touching.}

{"...and mul-ti...ply..."}

{He finally made it to her breasts and - giving up the act completely - slowly kissed the side of her delectable neck.}

{"...the...the, oh you bastard..." Letting the paper drop to the floor she angled her head towards him and their lips met hungrily. Turning towards the left for better access she soon pushed him back onto the bed and crawled on top of him, gasping. "You're a dead man."}

{He couldn't think of a better way to go.}

He didn't bother finishing to get undressed. He walked into the shower, clothes and all, and turned on the water.


Daniel and Teal'c sat opposite each other in the commissary, both staring at their respective cups of coffee but not touching them.

A sigh.

"Regulations suck."

A nod.



Hammond's office. They hadn't even had the briefing yet, and he was being summoned to Hammond's office. He knew what was coming, of course. Knew what Janet would have been obligated to tell him, whether Carter was pregnant...shit, pregnant...or not. And he was fully expecting any punishment.

His hand paused on its way to knock, and he looked at the name plaque that had sat in the same place on that door for the last three years. For three years he'd protected them, bent the rules for them.

"Can't bend this one though, can you George?"

Sighing, he knocked.

Hammond called him in.

Jack entered, closed the door, and immediately stood to attention. "Reporting as ordered sir." He stared straight head.

"At ease, Colonel. Take a seat."

Ease? *Ease*? He was supposed to be at ease? He sat anyway, but his body felt like it was about to snap into three different pieces.

"SG-14 is going to help relocate the workers to P5C 982 within the next forty eight hours."

The workers. He'd completely forgotten about the workers. They'd come through with them and had immediately been whisked off elsewhere - probably the USAF hospital to be checked over, as the infirmary here couldn't handle that many patients.

"SG-1 will be put on two weeks leave following complete medicals and psychological analysis."

Yes. Of course. Business first.


Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck...

"I've already spoken to Major Carter. I believe she's cleaning up now."

Carter. Thera. She of the heart-warming smiles.

{"For me?"}

{"No. For Tor."}

"According to her report and the information provided by Brenna, you were clearly not yourselves. In fact, you were clearly under the influence of..."

Jack's brain faded out the rest of the words and replaced them with white noise. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. They couldn't possibly let him escape with this. Not this.

No, they needed to fire him. He needed to be dishonourably discharged. He needed to be court martialled, reassigned, retired, *anything*.

He needed to be gone.

"...and although I haven't yet asked Major Carter to reveal the results of the pregnancy test to me, if she is pregnant the choice is entirely between the two of you as to what to do. That said, no one else will know about this. Just myself, Dr Fraiser, Major Carter and yourself will know for certain, and..."

Him and Carter. Having a kid.

The idea scared the shit out of him.

After what happened to Charlie...

But...God, imagine if it had her brains. How astounding would it be? Of course, if the kid inherited his brains they'd all be in trouble...

"No one will know about this. I'll see to that myself. The child will officially be someone else's."

Cover all the bases. Cover all the truths. Assuming there was a kid.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't let this one slide. "No,"


Jack met his gaze for the first time. "What I did...I need to be punished for it, sir. No kind of extenuating circumstances can justify what I did."

"Major Carter disagrees."

Of course she did. "Fine. Just take me off SG-1."


"Reassign me to SG-3."


"Court martial me. Have me dishonourably discharged. Have me clean out the latrines in Siberia. Tell me to-"


"I can't do this anymore!"

Wow. Where the fuck did that come from? Why the fuck were his eyes burning?

Hammond wasn't having it. "Too bad, Colonel. We need you on SG-1, both of you. Deal with it."

Deal with it. Deal with it. Just deal with it.

Wasn't that what he always did?

"Yes sir."


It was insanity of course, absolute insanity, but when she came out of the shower he was waiting for her in the locker room.

He wasn't going to do anything. He wasn't planning on doing anything. He just...needed to see her.

Emerging from the shower with a towel wrapped around her body, she was absently running his fingers over her hair when she saw him and stopped, cold.

Jack couldn't even console himself with the thought that the redness around her face might not just be from the heat of the water.

God, from here, without the interference of the equipment he'd become accustomed to, he could smell her.

She gave him the answer to the question he didn't need to ask.

He left just as quietly as he'd entered, thinking that he probably should have been relieved, that he probably should have been happy and that once again, his eyes were burning far too much.

Just deal it with, Jack.

Just deal with it.


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