by Suz suzvoy@tesco.net

Disclaimer - Paramount own them. Especially him.


From a reliable source I've heard that it's true: Janeway screws a hologram. So much for being a role model.


I guess you could say that I'm disappointed in her.

That's rare in itself - it's only happened before when she's crossed that line; the line she swears she won't cross by crossing it.

Such a contradiction, that woman.

Mostly we're on friendly terms. Infrequently we're something more, but I've learnt enough and know enough not to expect it to last.

And there she is, laughing. Not being deliberately cruel or heartless. Just enjoying herself.

For that, I should be happy.

But she is there with that thing. That obscenity.

I've wrestled with the ethics and morality of that statement several times. By that categorisation, the Doctor is no different. A computerised projection. A hologram. Yet the Doctor has far surpassed his own limitations: to me, now, he is a person.

At the beginning he was just a computer programme.

Can it be said that her hologram will make the same journey as the Doctor? His programme is nowhere near as complicated. He was designed by Tom Paris! That should give me all the answers I need.

I hate Tom Paris.

Then I realise that she is approaching with it...him, I struggle...him at her side. Not wanting me to feel that she's ignoring me. Not wanting me to feel an outsider, excluded. Not realising that she's just making it worse.

She introduces us.

"Chakotay...this is Jared Declan."

Absurdly, I stand, paying the imitation of life a sign of respect. I extend my hand. "A pleasure."

"Nice to meet you," He responds, his facsimile of a face smiling genuinely, the accent in his voice clearly evident. No doubt something that she found doubly interesting because of her own heritage.

Small talk is made. He's charming, of course. I wouldn't expect anything else from her. Or Tom Paris, although even I have to admit that this hologram is without the tackiness of his usual brand.

I banish those thoughts as soon as they form. I can't afford to like him. Nothing wrong with physical gratification, of course, but she actually think that this means something.

I excuse myself, not being able to stay any longer knowing that they'll have sex again before the night is over.

Her smile falters, a little, but she says nothing.

As I walk towards the exit I pass Paris and he looks almost...apologetic.

Stopping next to him I hiss "I take my life back."

He nods, understanding. "It's yours."

Acknowledging, I move away and step out of the holodeck, knowing that even the thought of sleep is ridiculous.


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Suz's Voyager Fanfic