Disclaimer - MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own them.
Set after 'Descent', although I really don't think you need to have seen the episode to appreciate it. Spoilers for 'Redemption, Part 1' and 'Descent'.
Very, very silly.
For Daniel – not that one.
*
She should have been paying attention to the briefing, and under normal circumstances she would have. The main problem was...well, Jonas had a habit of wandering off topic. He was trying to explain exactly what he'd done on the ship that had transferred the power to the forceshields, but he kept being diverted by random thoughts and observations that were evidently popping into his head with quite some frequency.
The second problem was the fact that she was exhausted. The adrenaline from nearly drowning, and escaping from an exploding mothership via submerged deathglider had definitely worn off. She was feeling downright lethargic, and as soon as this briefing was over she didn't care what anyone said - she was finding a bed, any bed, and falling into it.
Determined to at least look as though she were paying attention, she lifted her head up higher and took the opportunity to study her teammates. Jonas had, once again, continued to prove himself. Though he still hadn't been completely accepted - especially by the Colonel - he was starting to get there. Whether he would actually ever fit in properly was something no one could know for sure - but she was beginning to suspect that he would.
Teal'c, seated to Jonas' right, was as quiet at ever, contributing only if it were necessary. Calm, serene, and utterly pleased that everything had been resolved, he was quite happy to sit there and observe.
As usual.
And then there was the Colonel, seated to her left. Watching him surreptitiously, she couldn't help but notice that he seemed at least as tired as she was: hiding a few yawns behind his right hand as his elbow rested on the table and propped up his face. In fact, as she studied it, his whole body looked as though it were ready to slip off the chair-
Ohhh...
Dear.
Um.
Er.
Crap!
Not wanting anyone to catch her staring with a shocked expression on her face, she looked away, desperately trying to think of something.
His flies were open.
Evidently, after they'd changed from their damp BDU's to lovely new dry ones, he'd forgotten to zip up.
Time to think positively. From the angle everyone else was sitting at, she doubted they'd be able to see or notice that...umm...area. She'd only noticed because she was sitting right next to him.
Really.
However, typically he wasn't sitting close to the table. *Naturally* he was sitting a few inches away, with his legs stretched out as much as possible. If someone shifted just a little - or he shifted just a little - the game would be up.
Oh *nice* choice of words.
Still, he was her commanding officer. She had a duty to protect his honour. Didn't she?
Okay, she simply had to catch his attention without catching anybody else's attention. Easily done.
She looked at him. And kept looking at him. In the normal state of affairs, he tended to have a sixth sense whenever she looked at him, and vice versa. A result of working closely together and other things she tried not to consider over the past five years, it had come in handy more than once in the middle of battle.
Typically, it wasn't working. Instead, he did his best to hide another yawn as Jonas - who apparently didn't feel the least bit tired - talked with great enthusiasm about the efficiency of Goa'uld transport rings.
Fine. Any movement above the table would likely draw someone's gaze, so there was only one course of action she could take. Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached out her left leg towards his right.
If she hadn't actually felt when they made contact, she would have known by his reaction alone: sitting up straight, slapping the hand that had been on his face down on the table, and eyes growing almost wider than the Stargate itself.
Oh hell - did he think she was coming on to him?
The hand slapping, of course, didn't go unnoticed. Everyone else at the briefing table - Jonas and Teal'c on the opposite side, Hammond at the end - looked towards them.
"Sorry," The Colonel spat out. "I guess all that swimming gave me a cramp." As if to prove the point he rubbed vigorously at his right thigh, which - to Sam's mind - only served to make the open zipper even more obvious.
But no one else saw it.
With Hammond's permission, Jonas continued.
With the focus having moved away from them, Sam hoped he'd at least look at her and she could give him some indication - a nod of the head, *anything* - as to what the problem was.
He didn't look at her. In fact, he seemed to be going out of his way not to look at her, deliberately focusing only on the starmap behind Hammond's head. He *was* frowning a lot, though.
Fine. If he insisted on ignoring her...if he *really* thought that she couldn't control herself...
She did it again.
There were no sudden movements this time. In fact, the only outward response was the hand still resting on the table slowly clenching into a fist.
And yet, he still wasn't looking at her.
She was starting to get-
Pressure.
Movement.
Holy...
He was doing the same thing to her! He *did* think she was coming on to her!
Very much aware of the boot-covered foot rubbing against the back of her leg, she blinked heavily, and shifted in her chair. This wasn't good. In fact, this was incredibly embarrassing - yet would probably be even more so for him when he realised the truth.
Best to stop him now, before it got any worse.
Yep, good idea.
That was the plan.
Definitely.
As soon as she stopped procrastinating.
It shouldn't have been stimulating; he was wearing boots for one thing - hardly the most erotic object that could be brushed against a fully clothed leg. And yet, she found herself shifting in her chair again.
She had to stop this. She had to move. Now.
It took a bit of fumbling and searching with her foot - which no doubt made him think she really *was* coming on to him - but eventually she found the front of his boot and pressed firmly.
Very firmly.
Wincing, finally looking towards her, he frowned dramatically as if to ask "What the hell is *wrong* with you?"
Meeting his gaze, she nodded towards his groin.
He just kept frowning.
Rolling her eyes, she did it again.
Eventually following the direction her eyes and occasionally her head were pointing, he looked down - and froze. Clearly realising what she'd been trying to tell him all along, he actually turned a dusky red colour and looked away from her.
She tried not to smile, and wasn't entirely successful.
Though his first instinct was probably to whip his hand off the table and cover the offending gap, he calmly removed his hand and casually grasped his other hand, holding both over top of his lap. He then, ever so slowly, inched his chair forward, closer to the table.
Nice.
He couldn't zip it up yet, of course - that kind of noise would definitely give it away. Which meant their problems weren't over.
The briefing was wrapping up and when Hammond left, she and the Colonel would be obligated to stand up.
Her mind raced, trying to think up some reason to extend the briefing, something that would keep them all sitting there longer to give her the time to think of something. A comment about the bumpy ride in the deathgliders, maybe a complaint about Dad having to leave so quickly.
Unfortunately she was so busy thinking that she forgot to do any acting.
Hammond spoke as he rose from his chair. "Dismissed."
She stood up instinctively, as did Teal'c. Though he wasn't officially in the military, he saw it as a sign of respect. Jonas followed their example, joining them shortly after and the Colonel...
The Colonel set his shoulders back, moved his hands again until they were planted on top of the table, and was quite obviously preparing himself for the fact that he was going to have to stand up.
And then it happened.
"Remain seated, Colonel." Hammond smiled. A lot. "I understand that your leg still causes you some discomfort from time to time; we wouldn't want to exacerbate it, now would we?"
The Colonel blinked, hands still poised on the table. "Yes sir. Thank you sir."
Hammond smiled again, and Sam realised:
He knew.
She watched him leave, watched him walk into the office, all the while trying to figure out exactly what was going on.
He'd known. The entire time.
She glanced at the Colonel, who - still embarrassed - glanced away from her, but he didn't seem to find anything amiss. Maybe he was too humiliated.
"I have a question,"
Jonas had spoken. He was still standing at the opposite side of the table with Teal'c. Quite frankly, for a few seconds she'd completely forgotten they were there. "What is it?"
"Is the mutual touching of feet and legs some form of communication I haven't encountered before? There's nothing about it in any of Dr Jackson's journals..."
The sound of the Colonel’s head thumping onto the table echoed next to her.
Wonderful.
~FINIS